The Trouble with Tribbles and Tequila

We checked out, never having taken advantage of the pool, and headed north to the Redwood National Park. The drive was windy and cut through the mountain pass along side the Eel River. We pulled over at Confusion Hill, a tourist attraction, where there is a house (shack) built into the side of a hill that seems to defy gravity. We paid our entry fee and headed up the hill until we reached the house (shack) filled with exhibits. Golf balls and water appeared to travel up hill and we appeared to be standing on the wall of the shack in this Confusion Hill shanty town. I felt nauseous as we took photos and stopped at every hands-on experiment. As we exited, the large man behind the counter asked how it was. I asked if he offered any anti-nausea meds with the tour, the room was so disorientating that I joked I felt drunk. Big mistake. We were then a captive audience, as the only customers at Confusion Hill, to the following story: 

Kai Blair Witchin'

"Well, I live here onsite. One night after about 4 double shots of tequila, I thought I saw a light on in the house (shack)." (After announcing his affinity for tequila I couldn't help but glance down at his giant swollen gut likely filled with a completely cirrhosed liver and fluid build up). "So, naturally, I grabbed my flash light and my shot gun- sometimes I grab the pistol, but this night I grabbed the shotgun. And I went up and there and chk-chk, boooom! I let a couple of shots out into the air. I didn't see any more lights... and then I figured out that it was a car across the way pulling out. The headlights when they come up and over the hill there cause the house (shack) to light up."

Wow- great story. I wonder if he ever brushes his teeth?

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to check out your chest.. but um are those 'tribbles' on your shirt?"

I look down dumbfounded.

"Obviously, you're not a Star Trek fan, huh?"

Obviously, you're not smarter than a 3rd grader.
"These are owls on my shirt, sir."

"Oh man, they look just like that episode, 'The Trouble with Tribbles'. That's from the original Star Trek with Capt. Kirk. These little critters called 'tribbles' just keep multiplying. Anyway, great episode. Actually, they once referenced the 'tribbles' in one of the 'Next Generation' episodes as well, Whoopi Goldberg did."

Fascinating.

"Well, y'all have a safe trip, hey where y'all from anyway?"

Yikes. "Alaska."

"Woooo-oooo bet you're happy to get out of the cold, huh?"

"Yup, take care now, bye!"

Those pesky Tribbles

Having safely made it out of Confusion Hill and away from the Trekky alcoholic, we headed north to find a campground. Due to budget constraints, and the end of summer season, many of the state parks in California are closed for the season. Occasionally you'll find that they're open, but with restricted services available. We lucked out and found a spot at the Elk Prairie Campground in the Redwoods off coastal Highway 101 and pulled the Truckster into a spot nestled among some of the biggest trees I've ever seen. It was dark in the forest as the trees are covered with lush moss and the branches reach out across to each other blocking out much of the sun. We made spaghetti and made a campfire using up the last of our wood. This was likely our last night in the Truckster as we had just 350 miles more back to Portland, OR to complete our full circle of America, minus the middle, boring bits. 

The drive through northern California was beautiful, filled with foggy forests, large Redwoods, quirky restaurants and museums, and some of the ugliest people this side of the Mississippi. Not too long after leaving wine country, we began to see more and more pock marked people on foot with less and less teeth. It was clear that we were entering Meth Country. 

We made our way further north to Hillsboro, Oregon arriving at my dad's house around 8:00 pm. We ate left over spaghetti and Indian food from the Truckster and drank a bottle of champagne that had traveled with us all around the country. We had taken the bottle from Kai's parents house in Astoria, OR over 2 months ago and had never found the right time to open it. Now that we had traveled 12,390 miles back to our starting point in Oregon, we figured it was as good a time as any. We were still happily married, had all our fingers and toes, were disease free (as far as we know), and had many new rich life experiences to add to the bank of living. We popped the bottle like rappers and toasted to the success of Operation Family Truckster.