"That's Not My Dog!"

Leaving the glitzy strip behind we headed south back to Arizona. As the summer season was coming to an end, we knew we could safely camp at Lake Havasu without the worry of being shot in the eye by a college girl's bikini top or getting puked on by a frat boy. We chose Cattail Cove State Park because they were dog friendly and allowed dogs in the water at one of the beaches.  We met Ranger Mike who warned us profusely about the threat of rattlesnakes in the area. He must have said 7 times, "I mean I'm not trying to scare you or anything.. but we're pullin' them out of the bathroom every morning here.. I think their nest is right here." Pointing to the entrance of the Dog Beach trail head. Luckily, I am not awake at 6:00 am when the rangers are supposedly elbow deep in rattlers in the restrooms, so I figured I was safe as far as that goes. But I was pretty paranoid walking with Captain Oblivious the Dog Wonder through the brush to the beach until I met a nice couple from Palm Springs who said that they camp here quite often and haven't seen a snake all summer. It was decided that Ranger Chatty Cathy was likely bluffing or exaggerating at the very least and had just wanted some attention as he's stuck in that booth alone for so many hours a day.
We swam in Lake Havasu for several hours with the dog, me working fervently to tan my chest and rid myself of the bad swimsuit strap lines so that I wouldn't look stupid in my new strapless dress courtesy of a Las Vegas thrift store. What a stark contrast, Utah vs. Las Vegas thrift stores... Anyway, so I'm avoiding sunscreen like the plague trying to make my white tan lines vanish, jumping in the lake every few minutes to beat the heat. We made dinner and were a captive audience to the giant church youth group that we shared the campground with. Worship hour didn't last too long and then it was back to just obnoxious teenage banter, yelling, running, screaming, and the like minus swear words because these kids were churchies. 

After a shower I shared with several giant spiders, I reassessed my tan line situation. Awesome. After a day at the Vegas pool and one day at the shore of Lake Havasu, I now had a super sweet heat rash. Nothing looks worse than tacky tan lines than itchy, blistering, red bumps all over one's chest.

We left Havasu for Tacna, Arizona the home of snowbird, Kitty Siebels and her boyfriend of a million years, badass Texan, Victor Neinast. Grandpa Vic met us at the gas station to lead us back to their house as Grandma had a hard time giving directions. Kai had to fight hard to keep up with speeding Vic in grandma's Corolla up ahead of us. She met us outside and we gave hugs all around. We then followed them in to Vic's house, Kaylee in between us. All of a sudden, Victor takes off his giant cowboy hat and is flailing around the living room swatting at the dog. He then kicks at the dog who is at this point freaked the french out and scurries out of the house. Vic slams the door shut behind her locking both Kaylee and Kai out of the home. I have to physically close my open jaw to ask what the &%*$ just happened. Victor has a tracheostomy, so he communicates via belching and has ever since I was a child. He's also had a couple of strokes as well as a recent car accident that left him with a brain bleed. Despite all of this, he is still sharp as a whistle and continues every day to make inappropriate dirty jokes and has not lost his Texas sized temper. My grandmother sits down and gets back to her beer as though nothing has happened, and I'm still confused as Vic is trying to shout, "That's not my dog!!!" Well no shit, it's my dog. What just happened here... turns out, Vic forgot that we had a dog and believed that KK was one of the neighbors many dogs that often run around loose and sneak into his house. I looked across the street where the neighbors yard was filled with no less than 6 dogs, so I could see that this was probably an on-going problem for Vic. He apologized profusely at this point, which we accepted and sat down to visit. KK finally came out of the van several hours later at which point she scuttled under the coffee table and acted even more spastic than normal. 

We visited and ate some dinner Vic had made for us before heading to bed. The next day we travelled with Vic and Grandma to Martinez Lake to meet Vic's daughters and grandchildren. His daughter and her husband have a beautiful home on the lake and had a Mexican feast prepared in honor of Vic and Kitty's birthdays. The house is several stories and at each stair case there is an electric lift which Vic rides like a bronco. Later that night we did some laundry back at grandma's house before hitting the hay.

Vic the Prick

The next day was the day of our friend's bachelorette party, meaning we had about 6 hours to get me to San Diego to participate. All across America we've seen funny billboards for giant Adam and Eve Adult Superstores, but in the drive from Yuma, AZ to San Diego, CA I couldnt find a sex store to save my life. I needed provisions for the bachelorette party STAT!!!