It Is Recommended That You Remove Your Earrings

 Luckily for us, the weather took a turn for the worse upon our leaving Motown. Instead of the 90 degree heat, the clouds rolled in and Cedar Point, Ohio was a cool 63 and cloudy. We had been planning on using their Pet Check which Kai had discovered, an air-conditioned kennel in which you can park your pet for the day while you ride. However, with the cold front coming through, KK was just fine in the van. We parked and actually put on jackets for the first time in a month and headed into the amusement park. 

We decided to attack the park systematically starting at the beginning and working our way around. We had 8 hours to hit every single roller coaster Cedar Point had to offer and we were determined. Anxiety was high and excitement was in the air as we joined the first line for The Raptor. The sign out front had said a 30 minute wait.... 1 hour and 25 minutes later, I was so frenching tired of people watching the SAME people that you saw over and over as you snaked through the cattle corrals. Don't get me wrong, the people watching was great, teenagers were out in full force making out with each other and small children cried in line in anticipation of the fearful ride ahead of them.... buuuut if you say I have to wait 30 minutes and then make me stand there with no entertainment for nearly 3 times as long, I might go crazy. I ended up reading several free samples on my iBooks app on my iPhone and this helped to pass the time. 

The first ride, all 1 minute of it, was worth the wait. And from then on, we actually had great luck and significantly less wait times. It became obvious that these acne ridden teenagers had no clue about classic, old school scary. The lines at the wooden roller coasters were non-existent, and this meant great things for us. Having ridden on a wooden coaster in Mexico several years back, we were well prepared for the body jostling, neck cracking, back breaking, larynx shattering thrill ride. The wooden coasters are frankly the scariest rides around due to the sheer age, engineering, and horrific prehistoric sounds. As we boarded the coaster the announcer let us know that we were about to ride the oldest, tallest wooden coaster in the world. Scarier than Mexico?!?!?! YES!!!!! My neck still hurts today but it was worth it.

Cedar Point boasts some of the world's scariest, tallest, fastest coasters. We had been told the night before by the kid at the campground gate to, "Ride the Dragster last. You won't have any fun on anything else if you don't." Hmmm... perplexing. It became crystal clear as we approached the Top Thrill Dragster ride. This was a roller coaster that had no shoulder straps, went 120 miles per hour straight away, then climbed 421 feet into the air, and then took a turn straight down. It was, perhaps, the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. The 120 mile an hour speed hits you in the face immediately and so powerfully that you forget that you're about to climb 40 stories up into the air, only to go right over the other side and plummet face first to the ground. No wonder kids were crying in line!!! I thought, now does this constitute as child abuse? Dads in line trying to convince their 9 year old daughters, "It's not really that scary, you're just overreacting. Plus, it's over in like 22 seconds. You can totally do this." One little boy with red eyes tried to persuade his dad that it wasn't actually the thrill ride that he was upset over but the long line. I call bullshit on that, kiddo. Buck up, daddy wants to ride. 

Top Thrill Dragster, straight, up, down, straight again. Over

 We hit one more mega ride after the Dragster despite the campground kid's instructions. It was nearly dark out and this coaster had that super scary slow climb where you have entirely too much time to think about your life, decisions you've made in the past, people you love and care for, and which of those might come to your funeral. It was built at the edge of the park, meaning it was nearly on the sandy shore of Lake Erie. So when we reached the pinnacle, you had an amazingly clear view over the huge lake, then a second later you were plunging toward imminent death. Not even water could save my burning throat at this point and Kai asked if we had any lozenges back in the van. We had an awesome day, breaking only for the bathroom and one meal. It was like a full work day of pure amusement, an  awesome finale to our long day of power riding. 

We camped that night in a nearly deserted campground as the holiday weekend had come to a close. The guy there let us hook up to electricity free of charge and the dog had free range to roll in all the grass she wanted. He said some people had to actually leave early due to the storm the previous night, and sure enough, at the dumpsters there were several gazebos and tents in total disrepair. 

We had some free time between Cedar Point and the arrival of my brother and sister-in-law in Washington, DC, so we decided to go to Atlantic City to win back some toll road money.