Squeal Like a Piggly Wiggly

Brandon has decided that waiting for the FAA to get their shit together has simply taken too long. He is moving to Georgia to take a position with Piggly Wiggly.

Savannah vs. Charleston

The hype was out. We'd been told by so many people, "Ohhhh you're gonna love Savannah!" and "Ohhhhh Charleston is great, you're gonna love it!" So of course we had to see both.

First up, Charleston. Lindsay and Brandon had a room booked in the historic district on Meeting Street. While it was a pet friendly hotel, we sort of failed to mention that we had a crazy 87 pound mutt with us so as to not be stuck in a smoking room and be charged extra. No one seemed to care much, but EVERYONE definitely noticed Kaylee. Charleston wasn't the most pet friendly town, if anyone did have a dog, it was toy sized. KK was clearly the largest animal on the road next to the giant horses pulling tourists in carriages. So large in fact that people stared at us everywhere we went, not only did they stare but I heard the word, "wolf" mentioned several times. Kaylee hated Charleston, it was loud, people were staring and talking about her, and there was virtually no open grassy areas. Kai and I took turns walking her for hours in the hot sun and crowded streets looking for signs of other dogs doing their bidness to no avail. 

We headed to the beach in the morning to get our tan on. It was overcast but still incredibly hot and humid and the Atlantic was calling. In the ocean, there were tons of tiny herring-like fish jumping in the waves close to shore. As I returned to my towel to get caught up with what idiot Kate Gosselin and her brood are doing now, Brandon, Kai, and Linds headed out into slightly deeper water. I heard screams and laughter shortly there after and looked up to see all three of them running out of the water toward the beach. It was the same sort of giggle-scream Simon Pegg did when he looks up and realizes that his roommate was a zombie in the movie Shaun of the Dead.  If you haven't seen the film, might we suggest that you do, not only to get the reference, but also because it's hilarious. So, the three of them came running toward me slightly out of breath and half-laughing. At first I thought they were lying to just to scare me, but as the story continued it was clear that they had just had an encounter with a SHARK!!!! After a while on the iPhone, it was determined that they had likely spotted an Atlantic black tip shark jumping up out of the water as it preyed on the small silver fish. Sharp nosed and white bellied, these sharks like to kick it about 30 feet from the shore feasting on schools of small fish and possibly juicy ankles which is why I wont be going in the ocean any time soon! Maybe KK sensed the danger her owners were in, or maybe she just hated being left alone in a strange hotel room in the middle of downtown Charleston, but upon returning to the room I found 3 separate giant piles of puke on the floor. She hated Charleston so badly that she was rejecting her food, she also hadn't pooped in 2 days. Yikes.

Jaws

In the evening we walked about a mile down the main drag to a Thai restaurant recommended by a friend of Lindsay's who used to live in Charleston. Window shopping along the way we began to register all the old money in this town. 20-somethings cruised up and down King Street in high heels and dresses and almost all the guys had that horrible, Southern Beiber hair. You know the hair... it's a long, shaggy, and sort of brushed across their foreheads sometimes accessorized with a ball cap or worse yet, a visor. At the restaurant we were shocked to see that our waiter was a friend of a friend of Lindsay's. Rod and Lindsay had just attended their mutual friend Elena's wedding in Greece just months ago together, and now here we all were in Charleston at Basil restaurant. We then discussed how applicable the saying, "It's such a small world!" is, and also how much my brother hates that term. 

Later on our own pub crawl of Charleston we ended up at a country bar styled much like Coyote Ugly. They lured us in with their 2$ beer specials and before long, Lindsay and I were on the bar up against a third woman in a hula hoop contest. Lindsay won the competition as she was able to keep the hoop up the longest, however, I received a little louder applause. When we returned to our table Kai pointed out that this was likely due to the fact that I was hula hooping on a bar, while in a dress, with about 8 dudes sitting under me. Right. After our free shots for voluntarily embarrassing ourselves, we moved on by foot. We met more locals and saw a lot more of Charleston's bars and clubs. The next day I sifted through my phone for clues of the night before and found that I had some new Facebook friends and some not so great photos:

Meeting new people

Making friends

One of my new friends on Facebook

We decided to head straight to the beach outside of Savannah before hitting the city. We paid our tolls and met up on Hilton Head Island where there were some dog friendly beaches. We loaded up towels and fresh water for the dog and brought her down to the ocean. No jumping fish or shark sightings here... just small crashing waves which seemed to confuse and annoy the dog. The boys played frisbee and we swam and waded and played a game of dice on the beach before packing up and heading in to the historic downtown Savannah. 

Hot Dog

Lindsay had booked a cool, retro themed motel within walking distance of the historic district. Just across from the Greyhound Bus station and according to my mother, the location of a recent murder in the parking lot, it had a large grassy area behind the motel and was super pet friendly. The rooms were clean and the lobby had friendly faces, dog treats, coffee and juice, and oldies blasted on the outdoor speakers. 

Parking for Hipsters Only

We headed out on foot to check out the city and look for ghosts. Savannah had a very distinctly different vibe from Charleston. To get to the waterfront from our hotel, we had to pass the arts college and several dorms and apartments filled with the young, Southern hipsters that cover the city like ants. All I could think of was a slogan we saw over and over in Thailand, "Same Same but Different". I'm not sure if this is what they meant, but it totally applied here in Savannah. These little urban hipsters tried so very hard to look different with their unique style, eyeglasses or hats, cruiser style bicycles and long board skateboards, that they all in fact looked exactly the same. White and privileged, many looked too young to be on the street smoking and drinking as they were. Married and in our 20s and 30s, we felt a little out of place and generally perturbed by these brats. The good thing is that while in the historic district of Savannah, you can walk with liquor much like in New Orleans or the Vegas Strip. So, that we did. 

Ooooooooo

We walked for some time searching for a BBQ joint that was literally a hole in the wall of an alley. We attached ourselves to the ass end of ghost tours that walked near us, trying to get ourselves scared but it was too difficult to hear the guide from our stand point. A siren abruptly went off 2 streets over and Lindsay and I shrieked like children. We eventually found the BBQ house, which was shut down. Probably because it was so frenching hard to find and the surrounding area is haunted. 

We ended up at a Tex-Mex type joint that had yet to receive its liquor license, and was open late for the drunks on the main drag. The owner was really nice and chatty, but I hadn't seen a Mexican since Oregon so logically the food was just okay. Kai's elote was likely made from a frozen corn on the cob which is crazy talk because we've passed at least 1000 corn fields on this trip. Anyway, enough bitching- it makes me sound like a food snob, like someone who would refer to themselves as a "foodie" and that, I'm not. I just like to eat legit. 

We never ended up going on a ghost tour or pub crawl but just walked the city streets solo, reading plaques and attempting to scare each other. Lindsay and I won the scare-a-thon and we were so proud of ourselves, but also terrified for the repercussions. The boys turned left about a block ahead of us, so we ducked into an alley running as fast as we could to gain a block on them. We found a perfect bush to hide behind and as I peered out I saw Brandon and Kai a block back hiding in a bush attempting to scare US!!! I called Kai on his cell to lure them forward, "Hey where are you guys? Linds and I are up by the theater.. are you close?" They fell right into our trap, as we heard them around the bush, "How the hell did the girls get way up there? How'd they get that far ahead..." "RRRRRRAAAARR!!!!!" Lindsay and I pounced on the unsuspecting boys like tigers. Brandon's face looked completely tortured and Kai reflexively went into a karate pose, a little half kick with jazz hands and a grunt. Oh man, we got those guys so freaking good it was amazing. I only wish that I wouldve thought ahead and captured it on video. 

Big Wheels Keep on Turnin'

We had an excellent breakfast outdoors with almost all of our food smothered in Hollandaise. We left on foot to see some more of the riverfront in the day light and hopped on the free ferry which took us up and down river with dolphins at the lead. It was much cooler that day and much more tolerable for walking the city. Later we traveled out of the city center to get a low country boil, seafood, potatoes and sausage all boiled in Cajun seasoning and butter. Best meal of the trip, a lot more work than I personally like to put in to eat a meal, but it was worth it! That night we were all Savannah urban hipstered out and decided to go see a movie. The new film "Drive" with nimnard Ryan Gosling had just come out, so I begrudgingly went to appease Kai and Brandon. We sat through the 1.5 hour long dog turd, my only saving grace was that we had smuggled beers into the theater. More fun was the drive home in which Brandon put on a Scorpion embroidered race jacket and drove the Cobalt like a rental, which it was. We Tokyo drifted all the way back to the Thunderbird Motel while expressing our hate for Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes for fooling us into seeing "Drive". Back in our room we planned our attack on Florida and made an executive decision to do Busch Gardens over some of the other theme parks in Florida.

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Low Country Boil

Happy Husband

Next up... jungle camping.

Gettin' Rebellion at the Scrip Club...

Here are my notes of things I remember from Charlotte:

Meeting Pam's parents- extremely hospitable, less huggy-kissy as the Roanoke parent counterparts, but lovely, gave us beer and snacks

At the bar with Jason's friends, suggestions flow for dance clubs in Charlotte near our Motel 6

We end up at a strip club where dancers can isolate their ass cheeks independently to the beat of the music and balance on wrought iron fences

Website Promo for Men's Club

Back at motel we notice blood on bedspread, Brandon's toenail split from dancing too violently in car ride home

Bar in downtown Charlotte where I am embarrassingly mistaken for a cocktail waitress but in turn attempt to gain employment from the vice president of a Chicago based medical sales company  

Meet Jason and friend, Savan, at Lake Norman for boat day. Swim in bath like lake, jump on rope swing, and drink beer while using life vests as "diaper" floatation seats

Truckster needs new thermostat. The boys install thermostat in the parking lot of Charlotte Motel 6 while leaking anti-freeze all over parking lot after we've checked out of room

Lindsay and me at local Carquest picking up gasket and silicone 

Back at the Motel 6, boys have installed thermostat 3 times to no avail. Agree to drive it to auto-shop to have it done

Arrive at shop, no leaks, 3rd times a charm. 4 hours later, ready to get on the road to Charleston

100s of ants in van due to boys laying engine parts in grass and then in van while working on engine. Ants in bathroom, floor, ceiling, cupboards, fridge and toilet

Lindsay and I at Galaxy Grocery, only white people in the store in search of ant killer spray and traps

Set traps and spray van. On road to Charleston

Virginia is for Lovers, and I'm Moving to Roanoke!

If you have not experienced Southern Hospitality, might we suggest that you stop by the Trompeter family home on Saddle Ridge Road in Roanoke, Virginia. We were met at the Dixie Caverns Campground by Jason who introduced us to his Aunt Connie, owner of the campgrounds, souvenir and antique shops, and cave tour. In addition to hugging and kissing us upon meeting us, she refused to accept payment for our camping there that night, and later refused payment for bumper stickers and postcards as well. We set up the van and hopped in the car to head to Jason's parents house back in town. 

The Honorable Philip Trompeter and his wife Serena met us at the door again with the hugs and kisses. I'm a big hugger myself, so I love this style of greeting, it just makes you feel good.  Almost immediately we were offered hors d'oeuvres   and beer as well as a tour of their newly remodeled home. After the tour, we sat down for a fabulous gourmet meal the Judge had whipped up in our honor. We reminisced about old times when we had met Jason while working for Gray Line of Alaska over a decade ago.

After we were stuffed to the brim, Kai and I headed back to the dog and the Truckster at Dixie Caverns Campground while lucky Brandon and Lindsay stayed at the lovely Casa de Tromp. The next morning we all met at local favorite, The Roanoker, for biscuits and gravy. It's difficult to go anywhere in Roanoke, VA with the Judge as you're stopped every 4 minutes by folks, "Hi Judge, how are you Judge?" After the 17th person stopped us to say hello, I asked the Judge, "Former defendants in your courtroom, Judge?" "All of them!" he replied and laughed his infectious laugh. 

The Judge led us on the grand tour of his home town and showed us where his family's old bakery was near downtown Roanoke. Afterward we regrouped back at the caverns, we collected our clean and neatly folded laundry that Jason's mom had graciously done for us back at the house that morning. I felt like a true Trompeter as I collected my laundry and was kissed goodbye by Jason's parents. We learned that his mom used to do his laundry even while he was at college trying to pick up nice Jewish girls. As I reconsidered returning to school for a 2nd degree, Kai loaded up the van with the free schwag from Aunt Connie. The trip was a great success as the Trompeters not only got to hang out with us, but they also found out that they were going to be grandparents!!! Next stop was Charlotte to spread the news to Pam's parents and hit the dirty souf.

Purple Is Not Real

Driving into Washington was hairy. It was 7:30 pm, raining, and dark, and the freeways were packed with traffic. We lucked out exiting just before the total gridlock began. We pulled into the motel in total torrential downpour. The clerk inside said that the town just south of our place was being evacuated due to flash floods. We were stoked to be on the third floor but nervous the Truckster might be washed away by the time we awoke. We watched the news that night as gasped as it showed water up to the stop signs in the town we had just been in the previous day. We began to slowly realize just how lucky we were to have made it through PA. 

The next morning, we took the metro into the city to meet Brandon and Lindsay to begin our grudge#$%& day of museums.  Several Smithsonian museums later, we walked back to the metro station in the humid sun. Jeans were a poor choice, as was the gortex rain coat I had worn when we left the stormy hotel in Alexandria, Virginia that morning. At a certain point in the day I couldn't tell if my pants were wet still with the rain from early in the day or my own sweat. We split for a while to shower away the stink and re-grouped later for dinner. 

Urbanspoon directed us to a great kabob joint in Arlington. While the Russian waitress didn't seem to get Brandon's sarcasm, she did get our order. For a minimal amount of money she filled the entire table with lamb and chicken karahi, a thick curry like stew, spinach, flat bread and garbanzo beans. It was fast and flavorful and appeared to be a favorite with local Middle Easterners. We toured Arlington by foot and found a loud packed bar and stopped for a drink. It didn't take very long to determine that this was a gay bar, as evidenced by the well groomed bouncer, drag queen MC posters, karaoke, frou frou drinks, and tiki bar decor. We stayed for several drinks, danced and sang along with the local karaoke singers and one super crazy, double fisting birthday-girl before the boys were ready to hit the road. I think Lindsay and I could've stayed there for most of the night and I likely would've gotten on stage for a little nostalgic Michael Jackson performance. 

Birthday Bitch

We headed into DC to walk the National Mall at night, something that had been recommended to us by several people on this trip. While most of the mall is relatively dim, the monuments and white stone buildings shine at night. We must have walked several miles by the time we came to sit on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial to take a break. Eventually we boarded the train for our hotels in Arlington and Alexandria around 2:00 am. Our feet exhausted from the heat and walking, we slept well at the Red Roof Inn, a new favorite as their rooms are not only incredibly cheap, but dogs always stay for free. 

 There was still so much more to do and see in Washington, DC but we had to get to Jason's parents house where he and Pam were meeting us in Roanoke, Virginia. We stopped on the way at Mount Vernon, George Washington's estate and farm. The Mt. Vernon Women's organization that runs the estate has done an excellent job preserving the land, home, and farm and were incredibly knowledgeable. Although we were sort of quickly shuffled through the actual mansion in groups of 20, it was still an educational experience complete with live re-enactments and actors. Imagine a renaissance fair on steroids and that is the Mt. Vernon experience plus roughly 400 years. I couldn't help but think who would take the top nerd award, those people who dress up at renaissance fairs with turkey legs and swords, or these revolutionaries dressed in traditional coats, socks, and hats in the sweltering heat. As we left the DC area, it dawned on me that we never even saw the White House... but we met locals, we learned a lot at the museums, we danced, we sang, we ate good food, and learned from one particular homeless man that "God was not purple". And, that, is a lot to take in.